I definitely don't want to make this entire blog about my lap band. I know some people do and that's fine, but there's more to me than the fact that I'm a foodie. I've decided I'll make this post and get it all out there in the beginning, then we can all just move along! I will talk freely about my band but I plan on talking about many other things too. We'll just see how it goes. I have to cater to my audience, you know. HA!
Let's see where to begin....at the beginning, I suppose. I was a chubby kid. You remember the kid people would always pick last for their team during mandatory P.E.? That wasn't me. Actually, I usually was picked rather quickly because kids always thought I was funny. Of course, I had no athletic ability whatsoever. I remember standing in the outfield during softball and screaming to my friend across the way about nothing in particular and when the ball would actually come my way, I'd duck. I was scared and didn't want to get hit in the face. Hey, I have a cute face and I have to protect it so can you blame me? Fast forward through the teen years and I just continued to put on weight. I always had friends and even had boyfriends. Back then my weight didn't seem to bother me so much. Sure, it was in the back of my mind, but really only surfaced during particular times, such as prom dress shopping. They didn't make really cute big girl prom dresses, at least not when I was in high school.
When I was 23 years old, I had my first child. The pregnancy was terrible, complete with PTL, PIH, and a host of other problems. However, I didn't gain a massive amount of weight during the pregnancy. I think I topped out around 250 at delivery. It was the biggest I had ever been and at 5'4", it was not pretty. After I had her, I exclusively breastfed and I found that the weight started to come off rather quickly. I started walking with my baby in the stroller everyday and watching what I consumed. In 4 short months, I lost 100 pounds and went from 250 to 150. And 150 for me actually looks really good as I tend to have a good bit of muscle mass. I always thought I had been ok with me before but being thin put things in a new light. People were so much nicer to me. If my car broke down, you bet there were two guys waiting to help me out. If I walked into the store, someone was holding the door. It wasn't just attention from men, it was from women too. I found that people just genuinely treated me better as a thin person. Now, you can chalk some of it up to a renewed confidence but that certainly doesn't explain it all. Sadly, I think society looks down on overweight people. Some view being overweight as a sign of someone out of control and that can be true in some cases.
I don't know what made me fat. I think it's a combination of genetics and my environment. I grew up with a bipolar/borderline mother. I remember she would do these wild things like pop an entire bag of popcorn (not the microwave kind) and just eat for hours. She would eat so much she would end up vomiting. Now, I'm not blaming my mom. I'm just saying I didn't learn an appropriate relationship with food.
In 2003, I started back to school and worked part time at a Hard Rock Cafe waiting tables. It gave me plenty of exercise but as soon as I started to wean my daughter I noticed that I had to work harder to keep the weight off. I smoked cigarettes, popped ephedrine, and lived on Smoothie King. It was not healthy but I lost more weight, settling in at about 120 pounds. It was actually quite thin for my frame. Everyone thought I looked fantastic. Although, some would comment that I never seemed to eat. It was during this time that I met my husband. We had a whirlwind romance and ended up getting married after only dating for 4 months. So, I quit my job, and my daughter and I moved in with my husband. I started nursing school too. During this time, I kind of ate whatever was available. I liked to cook for my husband and cook I did. I also did alot of eating. I started to gain weight and was quickly back up to around 170. I then found out I was pregnant. I used the pregnancy as an excuse to eat anything and everything. I found myself back where I had started weighing in at 250 again. I hated myself. How could I, someone who is really smart, funny, and caring, do this to herself? I don't know the answer to that and maybe that's something I need to explore in therapy.
When my 2nd daughter was born, I joined WW and quickly lost around 40 pounds. I got lazy and stopped with WW and ended up gaining the weight right back. By this time I was just distraught. I felt like a sham, a liar. Like those 2 years I was skinny were just a dream. I started researching WLS options. I wanted to get gastric bypass and made an appointment to see a doctor. He talked me out of the bypass and said I just needed a little help. He talked me into the lap band and on January 19th, 2009, I went in for surgery weighing 245 pounds.
I like my band but I hate it sometimes too. It's been a sharp learning curve for me. I'm just now starting to recognize my cues and stop eating at the appropriate time. I've had to completely give up certain foods that my band just doesn't seem to tolerate, one being popcorn (goodbye dear friend!!). If I overeat, I pay for it with excruciating pain in my port area. And sometimes just that one extra bite will send me from full to miserable. I can no longer drink with my meals or have anything with carbonation. This from a diet coke junkie. It was hard but now I hardly think about it, even when my husband sits next to me drinking his Root Beer. Here I am, 8 months post op, 55 pounds down with another 45 to go. I feel better than I have in a long time because this time I know I have my "friend" to help me. Thanks Bandie!
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