Wednesday, December 16, 2009

To Fill or Not to Fillm

In another month it will be my 1 year bandiversary! It's hard to believe that time has passed by so quickly! I'm excited for what's in store next as I think these last 35 pounds will really show the difference that I'm wanting to see in my figure. I know I need to be more dedicated and put more work in and I have a plan in place for doing so.

Number 1, at my new school there is a nice big track so I'm thinking when it's not too cold outside, after the kids get out I could walk/jog for the 30 minutes I have remaining in my day. That way the exercise is over before I get home and I can make excuses not to get up. I'm also going to do some more investigating into the gym thing. I really want to join Pensacourt and I found out that I can get a discount through either one of my jobs. The good thing about the Pensacourt is they actually do an assessment of your fitness level when you join. So they measure your fat, muscle, etc. and work to help you set up a plan. I like that little bit of coaching and feel it could be useful to me. They also have a ton of fun fitness classes like bootcamp, Zumba, water aerobics. I actually like group classes cause everyone can complain together *LOL*

Number 2 is my diet which I think is actually pretty good. Since the incident I will refer to as the "Great Halloween Reeses Cup Ingestion of 2009" I've been pretty good about staying away from sweets. However, I've noticed, especially in the last week, that I feel like I'm starving all the time. I am so hungry even 2 hours after I just ate! It's driving me nuts! I'm scheduled to go back in to the doctor around my 1 yr mark but I don't know if I can wait that long. Should I call and go back now? I don't want to gain a bunch before then! Advice ladies please. Let me tell you what I can eat. I can eat a whole bowl of cereal, I can eat 2 pieces of PAN pizza, I can eat a bowl of rice and chicken, etc. Doesn't that seem crazy? I read these posts from people only eating 1/2 cup of food and I want to die! So the question is to fill or not to fill?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Christmas is just around the corner and I have barely anything done yet at this point! I did get some shopping for the kids completed but I still have quite a bit to finish. Luckily, I looove to shop especially when I have the money to do so and not worry about how I'm going to pay for everything. This 2nd job has allowed me that freedom and I'm actually not stressed about paying for Christmas this year. Do you know how good that feels?

Let me tell you a little story. Every year, I have an emotional breakdown in the Toys R Us parking lot come mid-December. Without fail, you can plan to see me in my car dry heaving with mascara running down my face. I always want to do so much for my kids. I know it's not necessary and they will be happy no matter what they get. It's myself putting the pressure on. I grew up really poor and, little known fact, but I'm the first person in my entire family (read grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, mother, father, etc) to graduate college. So, I have more means to provide than my family did. I think I want to do everything for my kids that I never had and sometimes I go overboard. There's probably a therapy session just waiting for me out there!

So for those of you who were confused about my job status (waves at Mary), hopefully this will clear it up. I have worked full time at the health department for 2 years. One of those years I was a school nurse which I loved but I had difficulty because school nurses are not paid during the summer and at that time I couldn't find alot of summer work around here so I switched to Healthy Start department, which is basically a program for at risk pregnant women. I grew to hate the job. Lots of referrals from Department of Children and Families for abuse, drugs, etc. I had to do home visits and most were in less desirable parts of town. I even had a man come at me one time and try to grab my name tag from around my neck. I just didn't feel safe in that job. So, I found out from a friend about a position in the nursery at the hospital. Nurses have the ability to work PRN shifts, which means as needed. I give the hospital my availability and I work when I want to make extra money. I'm required one shift per month but I can work above that. As a result of getting the nursery position, I was able to go back to school nursing! So, to break it down for you, I work full time as a school nurse and part time as a nursery nurse. Alot of explanation for something rather simple! *LOL*

Last night, I worked at the nursery and we were BUSY! It's 12 hour shifts over there and I ended up working about 14 hours during which I maybe sat for 1 hour tops to do my charting. In fact, while I was sleeping this afternoon, I got some really bad cramps in my legs. You know the type you get when you exercised really hard the day before? I'm thinking all this running around will be good for the weight loss!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have luck at all!

Lots of updates to write here. I went to the urologist and promised to tell you about that so here it goes. I had a long talk with Dr. Sehkon and he doesn't believe the lapband contributed to my stone unless, of course, I wasn't drinking enough water. I can tell you, I drink loads of water. Every morning I always have 2 cups of coffee and then it's water throughout the work day until I get home when I may have 1 glass of decaf/unsweet tea. He believes it may be hereditary as my grandpa has had loads of stones. When I went back for my checkup, my stone was still there. He found it really strange that it was no longer bothering me. He decided against going in after it since I seem to be feeling ok. It may pass in the next couple of months. As far as prevention, here's what he recommended. Drink lots of water, drink a glass of lemonade, grapefruit juice, or orange juice daily, and don't salt your food. I am seriously failing when it comes to the salt. I have a terrible salt addiction and I know how bad it is for me. I was raised by a salt addict. My mom would salt all my food growing up and I have acquired a taste for it. I've decided that I will work on lowering my sodium sort of as my New Year's resolution. Strangely enough, my New Year's resolution has always been to lose weight and this year it's not. I feel like that's a small victory in and of itself!

In other news, I was scheduled to work last night and when I woke up from my nap (I'm working nights), I felt awful. My body was hurting, chest felt like I had an elephant on it, and my head was pounding. I thought about calling off but this was only my 3rd night working and I don't want them to think I'm unreliable so I took some medicine and dragged myself in. I was doing my first assessment on my baby when I felt this wave of nausea come over me. I thought, "Oh God, I am going to puke here at work." I sat down for a bit and it passed. I tried to ask the other nurses if I could go on home but one seem really irritated (nurses are not the nicest people). So, I tried to truck on but then my head just really started throbbing and I felt hot. I took my temp and it was 101.5! I told them, " I have to go home, my temp just keeps going up." I came back to the house and loaded myself up on medicine and slept. I didn't eat for 24 hours due to the nausea. I'm just now feeling better. I just hope my work doesn't stay pissed at me over having to leave. I really need this 2nd job! The only bright side is I lost 3 pounds due to this illness LOL Reminds me of Romy and Michelle's high school reunion when Romy says Mono was the best diet ever! Please take a look at my ticker. My BMI is 30.3, now only .3 away from just being overweight!! No more obesity! I'm going to try and lose the other 2 pounds this week so I can hit this milestone. Will keep you posted on my progress =)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Gobble, Gobble, Happy Thanksgiving!

I love this time of year! The holidays always put me in the best mood. I had a really good Thanksgiving for the most part. I woke up early that day and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I swear one year I'm gonna go to New York and watch the darn thing live! I cooked through most of the afternoon and then we trucked everything over to my parents. We had so much food cooked, it was nauseating! I ate a little bite of everything and actually that was too much. Unlike most bandsters who PB when they overeat, I get this incredibly bad pressure in my port and it pops out just like those buttons in the turkeys that you let you know it's done! It's strange thinking how I used to be able to eat 2nds and sometimes even 3rds. Just impossible to do now and I'm thankful for that.

I ended up working Friday night and last night, so I am exhausted! However, it was really good. I'm working as a nursery nurse. This is the new job (2nd job) that I was telling you all about. I stayed really busy and even managed to lose those pounds I had gained over the whole kidney stone incident (will make a separate post to fill you in on that visit with the MD)! I also happened to have the biggest NSV. I ran into a buddy of mine from nursing school at work last night. I saw him as I was catching the elevator and I screamed, "Hey Joey!" He gave me this quizzical look and I realized he did not recognize me! I had to say, "It's me, Melissa!" He was floored. He grabbed me and gave me a huge hug and said "You look so good! I didn't even recognize you!" I was on cloud 9 over that one all night.

And to top it off, I weighed in this morning at 180 exactly, so I'm officially 65 pounds down and I couldn't be anymore thankful for my band!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Another Kidney Stone Victim

Well, I have been MIA from my blog and for good reason, I had a terrible experience with a kidney stone. It all started on Monday. I went for my pre-employment physical and the nurse said "your heart rate is a little high and your temperature is up. Are you getting sick?" And I thought no, I feel fine and the rest of that day I did but on Tuesday I was at work and just not feeling right. Can't really put my finger on what was bothering me but I felt off. I had a couple of patients to see that morning and I dropped off a pack n play to my first one and after that visit I started noticing some pain in my back. I thought maybe I had pulled a back muscle maneuvering that pack n play. By lunch time the pain was starting to get bad so I canceled on my next patient and went back to the office. My coworker, Peggy, who is just the best sat with me while I tried to stretch my back out on the birth ball we have in our office. I took a couple of Tramadol pills (pain pills that I have for my migraines) and hoped that it would take the back pain away. Well, it helped and I made it through the rest of the day at the office.
When I got home that night, I noticed that I was having a weird feeling when I tried to go to the bathroom and instantly the thought popped into my head that I probably had a UTI since that could explain the back pain and the urination problem. So off I go to Publix to pick up some AZO pills and I tell myself I'll call Dr. French in the morning and get some antibiotics. Well, no longer than about an hour after I got home, the back pain became excruciating. I was bent over crying and I told Duane that I had to go to the ER because this was not right. So, he calls my dad and asks him to watch the kids while he takes me to WF ER. I remember telling my dad, we'll be back soon cause it's probably just a UTI *LOL* Oh how stupid was I?
So we get to the ER and now I can barely walk and I'm just crying. Of course, the damn place is packed with idiots who don't know what an ER is really supposed to be used for. I have to vent here because this is such a pet peeve of mine...DO NOT use the ER as your primary care physician. There were people there just laughing a joking around. Can you seriously be in need of emergency care when you're goofing around with your buddies waiting to see a doctor?!?!? This is why the people who truly need to be seen have to wait so damn long but I digress. There was another little gal (appeared to be a teenager) that I did feel sorry for. She and I were the only 2 people screaming and crying in the waiting room. Apparently, she had fallen while playing volleyball and hurt her ankle. I felt bad for her even through my own pain but we were both just having to sit there waiting our turn.
I couldn't get comfortable in my seat. I kept standing up and walking and then sitting down, crying and holding my back. Then all the sudden I started sweating profusely and this is in a hospital that everyone is wearing jackets because it's so cold. Then I felt faint and I sat down and looked at my husband and knew I needed a bucket like now. So that's when the vomiting started. Just a side note about vomiting. It's like I can't do it since being banded. I kept throwing up but it wasn't stomach contents, it was tons and tons of saliva. Weird, huh? So this goes on and on for over 2 hours while I wait to be taken back. Finally, they call my name and by now I am just moaning, groaning, screaming, yelling. etc. Let me just tell you that I had my first daughter with pitocin and no epidural and this pain was equal if not worse than that. I hope to never go through something like that again.
It was taking so long for the nurse or doctor to see me and I was being so mean to my husband. I kept yelling at him to get the nurse and tell her that I am dying. I need something for the pain right now. My poor husband would open the door and try to tell them that his wife was in an insane amount of pain. Finally, Dr. Gonzales (who is fantastic btw) passes by the room and he says, "honey, I think you have a kidney stone and I'm gonna get you something for the pain, just give me 1 minute." So, my nurse, Tiffany, comes in and starts my IV and gives me some medicine. It took about 20 minutes but finally the pain was gone. OMG, I felt like a different person. I apologized to everyone I had yelled at. I went to CT and they confirmed that I had a stone. It was blocking off my ureter and the urine and blood was backed up. It was almost to my bladder which is a good thing because that's apparently when the pain subsides. Dr. Gonzales said the stone was about 4 mm in size. He said I would be able to pass it on my own but I needed to follow up with a specialist. They gave me more fluids, some prescriptions for pain meds, and I was finally able to go home at about 5 am.
I've been at home for the last 2 days in a coma almost. I ended up sleeping for what seems like an entire day. Every time I got to the bathroom, I have to strain my pee. You're supposed to try and catch the stone so it can be analyzed by the urologist because certain foods can cause stones. I have to admit that I'm pretty sure the band contributed to the stone. I guess we'll have to wait and see what the urologist says. I feel terrible not in pain or anything but just washed out and depressed because my energy is down and I've been missing work and just gross because I've laid out on the couch for 2 days. UGH. I feel so bad because now I know what Bandita was going through. It's just horrible. I haven't passed the stone and I am thinking mine might have broken up into tiny fragments because I've been straining my urine for 2 days and nothing. I keep debating whether I should go into work tomorrow or just give myself the rest of the weekend to get better. I'm going to call the urologist and see about my appointment now. It might take me awhile but I plan to catch up on all the blogging I missed and if you made it through this whole post, Bless you!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Size 10...what?

I'm sitting here trying to recover from a very crazy weekend. Lyric's birthday was on Friday so we had a little party with family that night. I was half dead due to 3 hours sleep the previous night and the fact that I got both my flu shots that day at work (talk about sore arms). Then last night we went to Duane's parents for dinner. I was rushing around because I'm always running late and I picked up a pair of my old jeans and tried them on and to my amazement they fit. They are size 10's!!!!!!! I am so happy!! I haven't worn 10's since Lyric was about 3 years old *LOL* The only bad thing about all this weight loss is I have absolutely no clothes to wear. I feel like some type of street vagrant because I'm wearing whatever I can dig out of the closet. I plan to go shopping with my Christmas money so I only need to make due just a little while longer. So if you see me in Walgreens with an old stained white T shirt and some jeans, please be gentle.

Oh and I got the job!! I start on the 23rd! More money and smaller jeans make Melissa very happy =p

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Feeling Much Better About Everything

So I think I was freaking out way too much the other day about my Halloween candy binge! I got back on track Monday and actually weighed myself and I had only gained a pound. Thanks goodness for that 5 K! I will tell you one thing I love about being banded. I know that I will always have slip ups with food but with the band it's like a controlled slip. I don't gain 5 pounds when I overeat like I would have in the past. I need to learn to let it go when I make a mistake and just focus on being better the next day. I'm bad about beating myself up.

I haven't posted about this yet but I'm a little scared that I might be having gallbladder issues. I have problems with going from either constipation to diarrhea since being banded. It's so annoying. And then twice in the last month I've had these "episodes" where I will feel like I have to go to the bathroom shortly after eating something but I can't go. Then I broke out in a cold sweat and thought I was going to die with really bad pain in my stomach. It's almost like how you would describe dumping syndrome but that's very uncommon in banded people. At any rate, my doctor's ordered an u/s of my gallbladder. Just hoping I don't have to have another surgery!

I had my interview today at the hospital and it went really well. The hospitals have these things called peer interviews so first you interview with the manager of the unit and then if she/he likes you, you have to be interviewed by the other nurses who work there. It's a little nerve wracking. I have to go to that interview this weekend. I'm really hoping they like me because this would be so good for me financially. And I've decided that if I go get this job, I'm gonna reward myself with a gym membership. I know I said I couldn't go before but I think I will have the time and the money if this new gig works out. I felt so good on Halloween after the 5 k and it reminded me that exercise can be fun, especially when you have a partner to work out with =)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Halloween Fallout!

This weekend was a wild one. On Saturday I did the Harvest Hustle 5k with Mary and my husband. Let me first tell you that I have never in my life walked 3 miles at one time. I had not prepared in anyway but I still felt like I would be ok *LOL* Guess that was my first error in judgment! When we got up that morning, it was actually pretty chilly and the wind was blowing hard. I got out to the start site and I found Mary. Let me tell you all, she looks awesome! Over 100 pounds lost in 7 months!! She amazes me with her effort and commitment. I know I lack seriously in that area but I aim to be more like her. We all talked for awhile before the race was to start. Finally, it was time to get started and I heard the announcer say, "if you cannot run 3 miles in under 18 minutes, do not get in front." Wait a sec...did he say 3 miles in 18 minutes?!?!? There are people who can actually do that?!?!? Yes, I found out there are indeed people who can do that! I quickly got to the back with the other slowbies. My husband and Mary, who are in much better shape than I, started with me. It was much tougher than I imagined. When we hit the one mile marker, I thought "Really??? Only 1 mile?" I told Mary and my husband to not let me slow them down. My husband took off but Mary stayed with me, which I thought was really sweet. I tried not to complain too much but my feet and legs were hurting. I made to the end in 55 mins and change. I was really happy that I completed it but boy oh boy was I in pain today. My muscles are sore!!! I have to start working out more. I know that I will never love exercise but I did feel awesome after completing the race so I think I can like it eventually once I build up my strength and endurance.

On Saturday night, we took the kiddos trick or treating and we had an awesome time. This was Winter's first year that she actually went door to door. After every house she kept saying, "Mama, we go nother one." Lyric said it was the best Halloween ever. We ended up with over 3 buckets of candy. Not a good thing for myself. I will confess that my plan to only have a couple of pieces went to pieces. The kids were tuckered out and went to bed and I laid on the couch watching scary movies. I had some strange dreams that night and slept bad. I think it was a combo of the movies, too much candy, and my sore muscles. At any rate, I woke up at 4 am and was unable to go back to sleep.

Today, I was feeling so bad about myself. I sometimes feel like a band failure. I'm 9 months out and I haven't even hit 70 pounds lost. I know it could be more. I overindulge too much and I don't work out. I cried today. I think I've been feeling stressed about the job thing, the weight, and just missing my kids when I'm working all the time it feels like. I want to do better. I got a fill on Friday and I don't know if this ever happens to any of ya'll but sometimes after I first get a fill it seems as though I can eat more. I know that doesn't make sense but I was starving all weekend. Maybe because of the exercise? I'm not sure. I have 8.3 cc in my band and I can still eat a full plate of food. I don't really know what I should or shouldn't be able to eat. I guess I'm not sure what the sweet spot feels like. I read others blogs and it seems as though lots of them eat like birds and that's definitely not me. I'm not sure if I need more fill or an attitude adjustment. SIGH. I'm going to pick myself up and really try hard this week. My work hours were changed (against my liking) and I actually go in later now so I'm hoping to squeeze in a workout.

Here's some of our Halloween pics. We ended up having to put a sweatshirt under Winter's costume. We had not prepared for cool Trick or Treat weather. I still think I look huge which was another disappointment. My husband said we all looked cute. I think I'll keep him =)



Friday, October 23, 2009

Going to the Hair Stylist and Other Musings

I'm off to get my hair done today. Don't you love going there? I'm such a girly girl and I live for these things. I'm slowly trying to go completely blond. Isn't funny how it seems like when girls lose weight they automatically go blonder? Maybe because blond screams look at me, I'm a hottie. I'll post pics when I take some later tonight. Here's a pic of what I eventually want my hair to look like.

In other news, I'm down another 2 pounds, well almost. I weighed in at 182.3 this morning. I'm really surprised because last weekend I went out with some coworkers and had one too many Martooni's. Alcohol is calorie loaded but somehow I managed to lose. I'm not complaining, but isn't it strange how some weeks you know you haven't been following the rules and you still lose while other weeks you keep your nose to the grindstone for nothing. Hmmm....

I still feel like I've lost some of my restriction so I called for a fill and the first available is next Friday. I love my doctor but I hate how busy the office is. If you call for a fill, it will be 2 weeks before you can get in. I guess that's what happens when you go to the best. I also have a job interview that day! I'm really nervous. I don't know if any of you go through this but whenever I'm thinking about leaving a job, I get really scared. Like what if this new place sucks even worse than where I'm at, what if no one likes me, what if I'm the dumbest one working there, etc. UGH, I have to work on my confidence. I really do hope I get the job. I need to make more money and this would be quite a raise for me.

Ok, off to the hair doctor!

Friday, October 16, 2009

I Accept Your Challenge!

Ok, Mary, let's do this 5K! Of course, I will not be able to run the entire way but I intend to give it all I've got. I think this is just what I need to motivate myself. I'm excited and I'm gonna put myself on a workout regime for the next 2 weeks. Can you make much improvement cardiovascularly in 2 weeks? I doubt it but I darn well am gonna try. =)

In other news, I am proud to announce that I stayed away from the Halloween candy this week and am down another pound. I know I still need a fill so it's been extra hard and I'm proud of myself. I have an infinite weakness for Reese's peanut butter cups. They've been whispering to me all week but Nooooo...I will not let your chocolatey/peanut butter goodness distract me from my goal!

I also put out like 4 job applications and if I can land a 2nd job, I can go back to being a school nurse which I really love. I had left school nursing because it was so hard to find a summer gig. I loved the kids and the people I worked with were awesome. I would love to be able to go back and I can if I find something PRN. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I'm the Worst Blogger

I haven't made a post in what seems like foooorever! I'm so sorry about that and I have every excuse in the book but I won't bore you with my sob stories. However, I will sum up the last couple of weeks for you. Work has sucked....big time. I've come to realize I hate it and I don't really have anything to show for it. Lord knows I could make more money working at a hospital so I've decided to start a job hunt. It will stink, giving up my weekends and holidays but I'm tired of being broke. I need to buy new clothes for my soon to be hot new bod (haha yeah right).
Onto the weight loss front or lack there of in my case. I will tell you right now, I have fallen off the wagon and skidded behind with my lapband around my ankle since I hit the 60 pound down mark. I haven't been tracking my food, I've been snacking and stress eating, and I've been lazy. It's my fault. I decided that I could use a little fill so I'm calling on Monday to schedule one. Then I plan on buckling down and losing some more weight. Ideally, I would like to lose 20-25 more before the end of the year. I think I can do it if I just focused more. I keep telling myself I want to go to Thanksgiving dinner with my husband's family and them notice how much weight I've lost. They're not a very complimentary bunch so I know I need to be fairly thin to coax a "have you lost weight?" out of them.
In other news, I got new glasses! YAY! I am so stoked. I have been wearing my old contacts for 1 month overdue while I waited for these damn glasses to come in...and on top of that, they gave me the wrong glasses. I had picked a Cynthia Rowley wireless type frame. These are Cynthia Rowley but they're the nerdy girl type glasses. My husband loves them. He likes what he calls "sexy nerds" LOL They're ordering my correct frames but I'm considering keeping these. I'll be wearing contacts most of the time but I think I'm gonna wear these for a week since I practically burned my retinas wearing old contacts day in/day out for a month. Here's a pic of them. I apologize for the pic, no makeup! AAGH!

I also wanted to tell you I bought a bunch of NYX makeup online. I am a makeup whore. You know how some girls love shoes and bags? That's how I am about makeup. I like shoes and bags too but I would easily spend $100 on makeup waaaay before I would accessories. I'll post pics on what I purchased when they arrive. Oh and fyi, I plan on getting a ton of makeup for Christmas. I told my dad to get me MAC...are you listening dad?!?!? MAC! hehe
Well, that's a synopsis of the last 2 weeks. Oh and I forgot to mention my bratty 2 year old. Seriously, what is the deal with that age? She's driving me nuts with the waterworks and temper tantrums. And earlier this week I was late to work because aforementioned bratty 2 year old took off her diaper and spread poop on my computer desk while I was getting my coffee. I was out of the room for 2 seconds. It was gross but hilarious.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

An Oh So Yucky Day!

You ever have one of those days where it seems nothing goes in your favor? Well, today happened to be one of those for me. My alarm went off this morning at 5 am and I instantly realized I felt like shit. There is just no better way to put it ladies. My head was throbbing, my neck felt stiff, and my body just hurt. I have a huge problem with migraines which, strangely enough, seem to have worsened as of lately. I knew there was no way I could fake it through the day at work so I got up and called in. I took some meds and proceeded to camp my greasy butt out on the couch. I slept with my little one during her morning nap and when I woke up, I felt a tad better and I was hungry. I decided to heat up some of last nights leftovers, beef stir fry over rice. Looking back, I see how stupid I was. be so optimistic as to combine rice with dried out leftover meat.
I started to dig in my bowl. It was delish. I got about 3 bites in and I started to feel some pain in my chest. I put my fork down and thought "ok, Melissa, this will pass in a couple of seconds." WRONG! The tightening in my chest started to feel like a vice grip and I felt like I needed to do something quick. I got up and started pacing the room. My husband kept asking if I was ok but I couldn't respond. I felt my mouth salivating. I thought, "oh God, so this is the dreaded PB." I went to the sink and was spitting some but nothing was coming up or going down. I was just Stuck. This went on for about 20 minutes. I decided to try some tricks I had read on LBT. I bent way over into the downward dog yoga position. Then I started hiccuping, and hiccuping, and hiccuping some more. 10 minutes of this and I decided to get a drink. I took a swig and then I heard some gurgling and I imagined my unsweet tea was like Draino going for a clogged drain. It worked! I felt instant relief, no PB, and the food passed.
It was a horrible experience and I hope this never happens again. I'm swearing off rice and weird leftover meat. Oh and I'm starting to wonder if I can PB??? How come the food wouldn't just come back up? I'm like Jerry on the old black and white cookie Seinfeld episode. Aaggh! So, I'm typing this out feeling crummy and still looking greasy. I promise I'm gonna get a shower after I finish sharing my horror story with you all =) Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Friday, September 25, 2009

60 pounds gone forever!

Well, ladies and gents, I woke up this morning and got on the scale and it read...


Now, I'm not one to attention whore but since this is my blog, I'll tell you all that I'm pretty ecstatic. I had such a bad week with my job (I'll post on that later) that this milestone really brought me some happiness. I now only have 40 pounds till goal. That still seems like alot but I know I will get there eventually. I think I'm at the elusive sweet spot right now. I can eat pretty much anything only in small portions. I make good choices 90% of the time but allow myself a treat every now and then. I won't lie to ya'll, I do not exercise regularly at all. I need to work on that. I've been looking for a used treadmill to put in my bedroom so I can exercise during my shows at night. It's just not realistic for me to get a gym membership. I work 10 hour days and still have to come home and cook dinner for the family, help with homework, get kids in the bath, etc. By the time I do all that there is no way in hell, I'm going out to the gym. So, I think the treadmill at home is a good option.

I am tracking all my foods on Weight Watchers online so I account for everything I eat and I think this has been extremely helpful. It's only 16 dollars and change a month and I think it's been the best money I've spent.
I will post full length pics sometime this weekend so you can see a comparison. My arms still bug the bejesus (yes, I made that word up) out of me. It's like I haven't lost any weight there at all. Grrrr...

I'm posting some older pictures of me so you can see what I look like at various stages of weight. Yes, I color my hair ALOT! I tried to pick a goal weight that I think is relatively easy to maintain and not have to struggle all the time. It's at the high end of a normal BMI, but I think I looked good at that weight. Dr. Lord tried to tell me that my goal should be 115. I think he must have been sucking on the crack pipe that day because I have never in my life weighed 115. At 120 pounds, I looked a little gaunt. At 115 pounds, I'd have no boobs or butt and would look like a skeleton. Now, I'm open to trying to lose a little more but 115 seems crazy. Let me know what you think.

Here I am at around 125 pounds. No, I'm not jaundiced. It's a poorly scanned pic and I apologize for that.

The next few I'm at around 135 pounds. Isn't it amazing how at lower weights, 10 pounds can make a huge difference?!?!?

And here I am at around 145. What do you think? Better at 135-145?

And please note how in none of the pictures do my arms look small!! WTF folks?!?!?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Not Your Typical Bandster

I know it has been scientifically documented for many years now that I am abnormal, but sometimes I feel like the weirdest bandster out there. I read the LBT forums, like I know many of you do, and I feel like I can't relate to half the stuff people post on there. First off, I was not scared to have surgery. I can't explain why but the thought that something bad might happen never really even crossed my mind. Yet, daily in the pre-op forum there is someone freaking out and I mean having an all out Xanax panic attack about what might go wrong. I try to be sensitive but I just can't relate to that feeling. Maybe it's because I deeply believe my surgeon is the best or maybe it's because I'm a nurse and I know what to expect. Either way, I was confident that the band would not lead to my early demise.
Then there's this one thread that really makes me question whether I actually even have a band or not (I'm halfway kidding). It's the "You know you're a bandster when..." thread. I have NEVER Pb'd or slimed. I have once right after being filled drank some water quickly and felt it bubble a little. I have once or twice had some uncomfortable chest pain that passes in less than 30 seconds. When I read that someone was vomiting in the bathroom for 4 hours because they took a bite of bread, I think WTF?!?!? Are they too tight? Am I too loose? (haha ladies) I can definitely eat more than 1 cup of food. In fact, this morning I had 2 cups of rice krispies with skim milk for breakfast. It makes me question whether I am not tight enough. I have 7.8cc in my 10 cc AP band. On the one hand, I think maybe if my band was tighter, I could lose quicker. On the other hand, I think look how much I've lost and I've never once had to pray to the porcelain god to get there. I really think there are many band patients out there who either don't follow the band rules or who rely on the band (ie. getting it so tight) to stop them from eating. In my heart of hearts, I think those are the same people who end up with a slip a couple of years down the road. I'm writing this in the hope that those considering the surgery will not think that throwing your food up everyday is the way the band was intended to work. It's not and it's dangerous. Baby your band if you intend to keep it, people! So lets review today's band lesson.



Now, you can't say I didn't teach you something =p

Saturday, September 19, 2009

In True Blood Mourning

It's not even been 1 week since the Season 2 finale and I'm already suffering withdrawals. I thought this season had some really great highs and there were some disappointing lows. I love when they really explore the character's feelings and relationships. I liked the Hoyt/Jessica storyline. She's struggling with her vampire v. human self and I think that's mirrored in the Eric storyline only difference is he's embraced the vampire and shunned the human part of himself. I liked the FOTS plotline and really liked the Godric character. It's weird but I almost felt like I could empathize with him. I've always thought it was strange when people say they want to live to be 100 years old. I think of the pain that person must feel, watching those you care for pass away. It has to be lonely. Imagine living two thousand years! I'm sure death would be a welcoming thought by then. I also liked the Sam/Daphne storyline. In the final episode when he saw the doe in the woods, I could feel his pain. These are the kinds of things I hope they focus on in Season 3. I know I maybe in the minority here, but I want to see Sookie display some other types of emotion besides this blind devotion to Bill. Come on. I want to her struggle with some feelings for Eric. And on a side note, I liked Sarah Newlin and Sophie. Kudos to Anna Camp and Rachel Evan Woods for their portrayals.

The whole Meanad storyline was interesting but did not need to be dragged out all season long. It would have been better to sum that up the first four episodes. I don't want to see a Jason/Eggs murder focus next season. That was done season 1, thank you very much. I hope Alan Ball sticks to what he's good at, deep character development. It was the reason I loved Six Feet Under so much. It was raw. You felt what the characters were going through. True Blood can be the same and I hope they take it in that direction.

And can I just take this time to announce how much I love Alexander Skarsgard. For those of you who don't watch True Blood, he's in the Lady Gaga Papparazzi video. He's sexy but he's a really good actor as well. You have to check him out.

Monday, September 14, 2009

I'll see your moggie, and raise you 2 ragdolls

I am officially a cat owner. Actually, I'm a double cat owner. About 2 weeks ago I spent a ridiculously insane amount of money (you don't want to know) on two beautiful ragdolls. We got a boy and a girl, littermates to be exact. My husband and I could not agree on names so we both got to name one cat. He named the boy, Bender (<---Futurama obsession) and I named the girl, Sookie (<---True Blood obsession).

Although, they're brother and sister, they couldn't be more different. Sookie is Miss Priss. She prances around the house, spends tons of time grooming herself, and could really care less if we love on her. Bender is Mr. Adventure. We bought a baby gate to keep both of them in the bedroom when my 2 year old is up because she tends to love the kitties in an Elmira type fashion (I will love them and squeeze them and hug them, etc.) Well, Bender has already figured out how to scale the gate. He doesn't seem to care that he could be mauled to death at any given second. He wants to jump around the house and try and swat my toes as they stick out from under the blankets. The one thing they do have in common is that they both have attempted strategic takedowns on me in the kitchen when they wanted their food. I almost fell one night when Sookie wrapped herself around my leg yelling while Bender tried to rub up against my other calf. Can we say crazy...oh, and hungry?

I'm new to cat ownage so I could use some help. I researched (cause I like to do that kind of thing) cats on the net and everything I'm reading states they need wet food, due to water content. Well, I've been giving Sookie and Bender Royal Canin dry food in the morning and a pouch of wet food at night. Bender seems to be doing fine but Sookie has had the runs ever since we got her. At first I thought it might be stress from the plane ride, new environment, etc. but I'm starting to think it might have something to do with the food. She isn't sick or anything as I've had her checked at the vets. Give me your suggestions. Should I stop the wet or will this run its course?

Now for the pictures =)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Official Lap Band Post

I definitely don't want to make this entire blog about my lap band. I know some people do and that's fine, but there's more to me than the fact that I'm a foodie. I've decided I'll make this post and get it all out there in the beginning, then we can all just move along! I will talk freely about my band but I plan on talking about many other things too. We'll just see how it goes. I have to cater to my audience, you know. HA!

Let's see where to the beginning, I suppose. I was a chubby kid. You remember the kid people would always pick last for their team during mandatory P.E.? That wasn't me. Actually, I usually was picked rather quickly because kids always thought I was funny. Of course, I had no athletic ability whatsoever. I remember standing in the outfield during softball and screaming to my friend across the way about nothing in particular and when the ball would actually come my way, I'd duck. I was scared and didn't want to get hit in the face. Hey, I have a cute face and I have to protect it so can you blame me? Fast forward through the teen years and I just continued to put on weight. I always had friends and even had boyfriends. Back then my weight didn't seem to bother me so much. Sure, it was in the back of my mind, but really only surfaced during particular times, such as prom dress shopping. They didn't make really cute big girl prom dresses, at least not when I was in high school.

When I was 23 years old, I had my first child. The pregnancy was terrible, complete with PTL, PIH, and a host of other problems. However, I didn't gain a massive amount of weight during the pregnancy. I think I topped out around 250 at delivery. It was the biggest I had ever been and at 5'4", it was not pretty. After I had her, I exclusively breastfed and I found that the weight started to come off rather quickly. I started walking with my baby in the stroller everyday and watching what I consumed. In 4 short months, I lost 100 pounds and went from 250 to 150. And 150 for me actually looks really good as I tend to have a good bit of muscle mass. I always thought I had been ok with me before but being thin put things in a new light. People were so much nicer to me. If my car broke down, you bet there were two guys waiting to help me out. If I walked into the store, someone was holding the door. It wasn't just attention from men, it was from women too. I found that people just genuinely treated me better as a thin person. Now, you can chalk some of it up to a renewed confidence but that certainly doesn't explain it all. Sadly, I think society looks down on overweight people. Some view being overweight as a sign of someone out of control and that can be true in some cases.

I don't know what made me fat. I think it's a combination of genetics and my environment. I grew up with a bipolar/borderline mother. I remember she would do these wild things like pop an entire bag of popcorn (not the microwave kind) and just eat for hours. She would eat so much she would end up vomiting. Now, I'm not blaming my mom. I'm just saying I didn't learn an appropriate relationship with food.

In 2003, I started back to school and worked part time at a Hard Rock Cafe waiting tables. It gave me plenty of exercise but as soon as I started to wean my daughter I noticed that I had to work harder to keep the weight off. I smoked cigarettes, popped ephedrine, and lived on Smoothie King. It was not healthy but I lost more weight, settling in at about 120 pounds. It was actually quite thin for my frame. Everyone thought I looked fantastic. Although, some would comment that I never seemed to eat. It was during this time that I met my husband. We had a whirlwind romance and ended up getting married after only dating for 4 months. So, I quit my job, and my daughter and I moved in with my husband. I started nursing school too. During this time, I kind of ate whatever was available. I liked to cook for my husband and cook I did. I also did alot of eating. I started to gain weight and was quickly back up to around 170. I then found out I was pregnant. I used the pregnancy as an excuse to eat anything and everything. I found myself back where I had started weighing in at 250 again. I hated myself. How could I, someone who is really smart, funny, and caring, do this to herself? I don't know the answer to that and maybe that's something I need to explore in therapy.

When my 2nd daughter was born, I joined WW and quickly lost around 40 pounds. I got lazy and stopped with WW and ended up gaining the weight right back. By this time I was just distraught. I felt like a sham, a liar. Like those 2 years I was skinny were just a dream. I started researching WLS options. I wanted to get gastric bypass and made an appointment to see a doctor. He talked me out of the bypass and said I just needed a little help. He talked me into the lap band and on January 19th, 2009, I went in for surgery weighing 245 pounds.

I like my band but I hate it sometimes too. It's been a sharp learning curve for me. I'm just now starting to recognize my cues and stop eating at the appropriate time. I've had to completely give up certain foods that my band just doesn't seem to tolerate, one being popcorn (goodbye dear friend!!). If I overeat, I pay for it with excruciating pain in my port area. And sometimes just that one extra bite will send me from full to miserable. I can no longer drink with my meals or have anything with carbonation. This from a diet coke junkie. It was hard but now I hardly think about it, even when my husband sits next to me drinking his Root Beer. Here I am, 8 months post op, 55 pounds down with another 45 to go. I feel better than I have in a long time because this time I know I have my "friend" to help me. Thanks Bandie!